Jojo's Bizarre Adventure at the Beach
by superhighschoollevelskylord
Summary: this is the beach episode i deserved. lets see the gang get into wacky shenanigans or something


The waves slapped the sand gently, sunlight reflected atop the water and the salty scent of the sea wafted through the air. At first glance, it was a simple day at the beach… But it was pretty bizarre.

To begin, Jean-Pierre Polnareff lugged a large boombox from the trunk of the car.

"Ugghhhhh, this thing is heavy as fuck…" Polnareff moaned, hauling it over to where Joseph, Jotaro, and Avdol were already sitting.

"You need help, Polnareff?" Kakyoin watched Polnareff, who laughed heartily.

"Non, non, Kakyoin! I'm, like, strong as hell. See, I've got everything under control. Now take the CDs out of the trunk and bring 'em with you." Polnareff said.

Kakyoin found the CDs and peered at them. "XXXTentacion..?" he mumbled to himself. He had never seen X but knew Polnareff talked about him a lot. Polnareff said he was straight, but the way he talked about X was very… not-straight.

On the sand, Joseph smiled at his best friend, Caesar, and sprawled out on his beach towel.

"Caesarino~ Isn't it a nice day?!" Joseph shouted.

"Joseph… It's a perfect day but why did we come to the beach anyway?" Caesar asked.

"...Well… For fun, of course!" Joseph picked up a bucket and some spades.

"Dude, let's make some sand castles." Joseph said. Caesar nodded, though he didn't really know how to make sandcastles. Whenever he did go to the beach, he mostly talked to girls or worked on hamon training.

Joseph found the so-called "good sand" for the sandcastles and filled up his buckets. He placed one bucket down on the ground and paused, letting it settle before he ripped the bucket up again. Eventually, he had a small castle formed.

"...Joseph Joestar, you call that a sand castle?"

Joseph whipped around. He paused to interpret what was happening. The Pillar Men stood there, with Wamuu looking directly at Joseph.

"Euh! Why are you guys _here_?!" Joseph hopped back and Caesar tensed up.

"Wamuu… We leave." Esidisi said. He and Kars turned and walked to the zone they set up, which was made up of several towels, chairs, and umbrellas.

Wamuu merely took the bucket from Joseph and started gathering sand. Joseph watched carefully but said nothing. Caesar relaxed and watched as well. It took much longer than it did for Joseph, but Wamuu built an incredibly detailed structure and decorated it nicely with shells and other things he found on the beach.

"W-Wamuu? Why do you know how to make such good sandcastles?" Kars had walked over to observe what was happening.

"Oh… Well… Esidisi and I sometimes built sandcastles before, and you know that Esidisi likes to make everything a show. He is very extravagant." Wamuu explained.

"That Esidisi… I love him so much, but he spends time on the most ridiculous stuff…" Kars completely ignored Joseph and Caesar and went back to sit with Esidisi.

Joseph was so confused, mostly because he had never thought of the Pillar Men being calm and casual with one another. In his mind, the Pillar Men were only interested in fighting and bloodshed. Caesar shared the same opinion and shrugged his shoulders.

"We should play beach volleyball." Caesar absentmindedly mentioned the idea to Joseph, who vigorously agreed. There was nothing he liked better than playing a match of some sport with Caesar, mostly because Caesar actually liked to play with him and didn't go easy at all.

While Joseph set that up with Caesar, Polnareff was laying on the ground, listening to X through his boombox and spacing out. Jotaro was not impressed in any way since he was forced to hear X music the entire car ride over to the beach.

"Jotaro… you look so upset… Is something the matter?" Avdol leaned over and whispered this to Jotaro.

"Avdol, we've had to listen to X the entire way here. I'm so sick of it." Jotaro said. He could feel his patience faltering as the songs went on and on. So he got Star Platinum and grabbed Polnareff's boombox before anyone realized what was happening and tossed it into the ocean. Pure silence ensued.

"Wha-?! What happened?!" Polnareff bolted upright and looked around. "...This must be the work of an enemy stand." He exclaimed.

"I'm so sorry Polnareff I just… I completely lost my patience there." Jotaro said, covering his hands with his face. He was so embarrassed.

"Jotaro… You could've just asked me to change CDs, man!" Polnareff said, cussing under his breath.

Polnareff saw a kid farther away with a large CD player. He popped in a CD, turned his songs up, and held up a small cage. Polnareff began sneaking over as Jotaro collected the boombox from the ocean.

Snoop Dogg was playing through the speakers and Polnareff looked over at the kid. He grabbed crabs from the sand and tossed them into the cage. Some older boy, presumably CD Player-Kid's friend, looked at Polnareff with suspicion.

"Hey, Narancia, who's that guy?" Mista said. He and Narancia stared down the man and Narancia began laughing.

"Gahahaha! I don't know, I don't care, but he's so ugly! What's with his hair?" Narancia doubled over from laughing and nearly dropped his crab cage.

"Dude, you're gonna drop the crabs! I doubt Buccellati's gonna let us keep them... but I really want some pet crabs." Mista said.

Giorno collected some sand and kelp and handed the materials off to Narancia, who stuck them in the crab cage. Fugo was splashing around in the water and Bruno was tanning. Abbacchio was under his umbrella, trying to read cryptic books.

"Mista, Narancia, Giorno~! What are you doing over here?" Bruno said softly. He glanced at the crab cage and his expression dropped. "Boys… We can't have crabs as pets…" He said.

Mista and Narancia immediately pouted. "BUCCELLATIIII PLEASEEEE!" Narancia begged. He held up the crab cage to Bruno and smiled.

"Aren't they cute?!" Narancia said.

"Well.. Yes, but I don't think you can take care of them…" Bruno replied. He didn't want to hurt Narancia's feelings but he knew that none of them had the time or patience to look after crabs.

"Whaaaaaaat?! No way dude, crabs are easy to take care of. You have to be dumber than a brick to kill crabs." Narancia assumed crabs were simple to take care of. He could just fill the cage with sand, some water, and some decorations and the little dudes would be alright… Right?

"I believe you're mistaken," Bruno said blankly. He turned around and began walking but paused. "...Narancia? Where's your CD player?" He asked.

"Dude, don't trick me! It's right…. AAAHHHHH! WHERE DID IT GO?" Narancia was taken aback. He didn't expect to get robbed at the beach.

Mista looked around and saw Polnareff running off with the CD player. He set down the box in the sand, much to the surprise of his friends.

"JEAN-PIERRE POLNAREFF?! DID YOU JUST STEAL FROM A CHILD." avdol screamed. he wasn't about to be arrested.

"AVDOL QUIET DOWN" polnareff was sweating bullets.

"...Yare yare daze…" jotaro said. He felt his respect for Polnareff dropping.

Bruno strode over to where Polnareff and co. were and cracked his knuckles.

"Have you no shame for stealing from a child? That boy is like a son to me! He's only 17!" Bruno shouted. He was angry on Narancia's behalf and upset because he knew Narancia was sad. Without thinking, he balled up his fist and punched Polnareff square in the jaw. Polnareff stumbled backwards and screamed.

Joseph and Caesar, who were playing volleyball with Esidisi and Wamuu, both turned around to see what was happening.

"Oh, what has that dumbass done now..? Tch! Always making things lively, that Polnareff…" Joseph said, tossing the ball back into the air.

Bruno gasped and hopped backwards, knowing damn well it'd be tough to fight someone like this. Polnareff looked powerful and seemed to be the offense-first type, while Bruno was more of a strategist, preferring to take his time to gauge an opponent's strengths and weaknesses. So he decided to hang back and run back over to Narancia, completely forgetting to even retrieve his CD player.

Speedwagon, who was acting as the lifeguard, came over to Polnareff, Jotaro, and Avdol and started scolding them. "You guys are so chaotic… Can't you ever do anything without some type of fight coming from it? Why are you stealing from children, Polnareff?" Speedwagon asked. He was upset because he didn't like violence.

Joseph came back with Caesar and the two sat down on the sand again. The Pillar Men had decided to go home, giving Joseph and Caesar nobody to play with at the moment. Polnareff looked at Joseph sadly and rubbed the spot where Bruno punched him. Narancia ran over and kicked Polnareff in the shin before he grabbed the CD player.

"Tch! You're ugly and you have bad luck! I might just flex on you now." Narancia said. But he didn't do anything beyond taking his CD player and running back to Mista and Bruno. Giorno and Fugo were swimming around splashing each other and Abbacchio had barely moved from his spot on the towels.

Mista grabbed some water pistols from his bag and handed them out to Narancia, Giorno, and Fugo.

"Boys, it's time for our big fight!" Mista snuck the water pistols past Bruno and Abbacchio by sticking them in his pants beforehand. Abbacchio noticed but didn't bother commenting because he knew it'd just be trouble for him in the end.

Within minutes, Giorno was screaming at the top of his lungs and shooting Mista with water, while Fugo hid around and sniped both of them. Bruno was extremely confused considering the fact that he did Not remember allowing Mista to bring water guns. He glared at Abbacchio, who turned away and cleared his throat to say, "I saw nothing at all, Buccellati."

Speedwagon stared at the boys and couldn't remember if water guns were allowed at the beach or not. He was still trying to figure out what to do with Polnareff, even though Polnareff apologized profusely moments ago. Joseph was sleeping at this point, and Caesar was drawing on him with sharpies. Kakyoin grabbed the marker and drew on him too.

Kakyoin had spent most of his time swimming around with Jotaro after the whole boombox incident. While Kakyoin wasn't really a fan of swimming, he had fun anyway. He put the cap back on the sharpie and turned his attention towards the guys on the other side of the beach. He couldn't tell what was happening; all he knew was that it sounded like a hoot.

"AGGHHHH I'M TIRED OF THIS!" Mista shouted, tossing his water pistol to the side. He drew his actual revolver from his pants and started shooting it in the air.

"DUDE! YOU CAN'T SHOOT A REAL GUN AT THE BEACH!" Fugo screamed. Mista had an awful habit of shooting things when he was bored or annoyed, which Bruno tried to circumvent by banning guns at any time when they weren't needed.

Speedwagon ran over and tackled Mista, who started crying out of fear. Bruno was beet-red from shame and Abbacchio flipped the page of his book absentmindedly. Joseph woke up, startled by the gunshots and started yelling. Everything became very chaotic very quickly and nobody knew what to do.

"Yare Yare Daze… This is why I hate coming to the beach." Jotaro said, pulling his cap down. With that, he turned around and slowly started to walk back to the car. Yet he couldn't deny that his life would be empty without this obnoxious chaos following him everywhere… He could not enjoy the pleasures of a quiet life, unlike some people, and resigned to his fate of a rambunctious life with all of his friends there to wreak havoc.


End file.
